Stories about & for us Queers

Josh watched as he reached for the bottle wondering how this was going to play out. He was nervous, more than that time with the truck driver years ago when he had left the farm. He waited as Darren handed him his drink, then started to pace around the room. Finally he stopped, sitting on the edge of the big lazy boy chair, looking into his glass as if the answers were on the bottom of the glass. He watched the way Darren just sat there, as if trying to make up his mind about something.

"Well, you wanted to talk Darren, so go on, what is it you wanted to ask?" Josh finally said, his own voice soft in the quiet of the room. He looked at Darren, barely able to keep his eyes on him, his heart sinking with each passing second.

"Tell me about it, tell me everything."

"What? Tell you everything about what Darren?"

"You know, all of it, I need to know it all."

"You don't want to hear it all Darren, why can't you just let it go, I sold my ass for money, okay? What more do you need to know?"

"I need to know the why's, the when's, the where's, I don't know why but I need to hear it all Josh."

"No Darren you don't, it isn't nice and what difference does reciting all of the sordid details do?"

"I don't know, all I know is that I love you Josh and I need to know it all, I need to know about when you started this, this trade, and why and what you did, I just do"

"If you love me, then why can't you just accept what I did and let it go?"

"Do you love me, Josh?"

Josh was taken aback by the question. He did love Darren, and yet he had never really told him, had he?

"Yes, I do."

"Then tell me, tell me it all Josh."

"I, I can't Darren, it, well it isn't something you can just talk over a drink and then, shit what difference is it going to make? Your mind is already made up, why bring up all the details?"

"Is that what you think, that my mind is made up?"

"Isn't it? Isn't all this ‘tell me’ all merely to ease your mind for ending us?"

"You say you love me, and yet you think I want to know the details so it will be easier to dump you?"

"Isn't it true? That is what you plan to do, isn't it?"

"No, I don't know what I want. Wait, that isn't right. I do know what I want. I want you, have ever since I first saw you and conned Gordy into making an introduction, and I don't want this to end, but I have to know the whole story, can't you see that?" "No I can't Darren, what is it going to accomplish? Telling you how this guy sucked me off for $10 or that one fucked my ass for $100 or about the guy who wanted to tie me up and burn my nuts for $200, how is any of that going to make you accept the past? HOW?"

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