Stories about & for us Queers

Russ was dumb founded by the violent words. He felt like he had just been knocked down for the count by a heavy weight prize fighter. That was certainly a low blow and damn it, he did care about all of those boys and he had done his best to protect them, and yes even from his brethern, but he had only been one lone voice in a cavern. Was he to blame for his failure? He had done his best hadn’t he? Or had he?

Kevin stared at his mentor, his breathing was rapid but slowly returning to normal. He had made the cardinal mistake in police work, he had let it get personal and now here he was trying to force someone to help him in his own personal agenda. Damn he knew that Father Russ could do it, but he also knew it was hard to ask a man to spy on those who he used to call ‘brother’ but the kids, if it wasn’t for them... well he had his mission, he couldn’t do anything years ago, he was only a child then but now, now he had the means and the authority to do something. He couldn’t just walk away, not this time. Somehow, he had to find the strength to convince this man to help him, no matter what it took. For a brief instant he considered an obvious approach, but no.. that would only alienate the man and besides, he really had cared for him back then. He owed him something for that.

“Father.... I “

“Enough Kevin.... enough please... I am not a priest anymore, but what you ask of me... I cannot be a judas... not at this stage of life.... not at any stage... what you are asking.....”

“I am not asking you to be a Judas Father Russ.... yes I know you aren’t a priest... but aren’t those vows you took for life ? can you just walk away from them now?.... look.... I know how much it pained you back then... to not be able to do more.... now is your chance Father.... “

“My chance? What are you saying Kevin? ...... my God am I that hopeless or that much of a failure Kevin?” Russ looked up into Kevin’s eyes. He didn’t see condemnation there, but he did see disappointment. ‘Oh my God’ he thought, had he been such a failure? Could he have done more for the kids back then? No.. he was sure he had done his best, he had his obligation to the church didn’t he? To help keep it safe and free to do it’s good works? Surely that had to count for something in the after life, didn’t it?

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